YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize