i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
