Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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