1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
