Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
