Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If I die, sorry about rent.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
