Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
