pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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