I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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