I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
