i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
