Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You smell like a Billy Joel song
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
