Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
