You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
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Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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