I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
