fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
