i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
