I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize