im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
its liver damage thursday
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
