It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
