I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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