He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
