turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
