he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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