i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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