remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
