I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
