mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
