I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
