All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
