i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
