I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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