There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I could make wine with my vomit
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
