I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
