My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
