god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
