He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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