just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
