I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
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You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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