Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
