So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
