tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
