I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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