i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is Oprah even human
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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