is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
