In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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