maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
