i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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