I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
