I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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