dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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