I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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