but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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