Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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