im about as happy as oj after his trial
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
