This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
