Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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