if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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