I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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