Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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