It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
