I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
