He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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