i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
