So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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