how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
