I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
