Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
