is your mom at the bar?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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