At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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