God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
