do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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