Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
