Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
